A Fucked Up Dream....

 Greetings. 

I had a dream last night that won't leave my head, so I need to write it down and get it out there. 

I was walking to work. Funnily enough, where I was walking was the last street I lived on back home, and the place I worked was a weird configuration of the Mac's I worked at here in Peterborough. On my way to work, I get shot. No blood or anything, I have chunks taken out of me, like I was made of rubber.. Kind of like the old LJN WWF wrestlers from the 80s. 

I get to the store, go through trying to work my shift, but it's not working. Finally I mention what happened.. Suddenly I'm outside the store, the store is completely walled in and random things are happening. 

1. A delivery is being prepped for the store

2. Someone calls an ambulance for me.

3. I remember just looking at the chunks taken out of me and just staring.

4. A transport sized tour bus of rescued dogs FLIES by in one direction, then slowly goes by in the other.. 

5. The Ambulance arrives at some point, but right then a hail storm bad enough to cause a white out happens..

At this point, the store has been reopened.. The storm is still happening and I'm outside on the ground. Just as suddenly as the storm started, it stops. By this time, I'm looking at a third-person viewpoint of myself on the ground, struggling to move while everything around me is still and silent. 

I don't know how it ends. I don't know if it ends. I did find it odd that this dream came to me while I'm still dealing with where I fit in. IF I fit in. If I'm better off not being here. I don't like being a burden. I hate the fact I need to ask for help just to do simple things like be able to feed myself over the course of the month (I do cook for myself, but I don't always have the food to cook.. Most of my asking is hoping some kind stranger will give me $150 to get some groceries for the last half of the month.. Usually I hope for multiple kind strangers, but will gladly take any help I get) 

Maybe this dream was my subconscious mind fighting back against these feelings, despite the fact that's where these feelings usually start. Maybe it was a sign that maybe I do matter, that I may not be whole right now and the struggle at the end was not knowing what direction to take to become whole again.

Maybe I'm just reading way too much into this and it was just a fucked up dream from a fucked up mind.. Who knows?