Ok.. So May came along and we were working hard on getting things set for my move. I received money for the move.. I can't remember if it was from OW/ODSP or Community Care, but it paid for two weeks of meals on wheels and the moving company to come to my old place, pack up my stuff, and move it to the new place.
We were going to move my stuff in a couple days early, but a tornado that knocked out the power for close to a week didn't help. So we moved everything on the last day of the month. Or a couple days beforehand. I was staying in hospital until the 1st of June.
June 1st came and I got moved to my new home. It's a nice apartment but not without its issues, pretty much like any place that's for more marginalized people. We don't bring in the big bucks for landlords so we're just kind of swept under the rug and forgotten about. But that's for another day..
For the most part I've got my stuff where I want it. Because of mobility and balance issues sometimes, I can't really finish what I want to do on my own. I do need help, but pretty well any help I've been offered either helps a couple times and flakes out, or flakes out completely... So really at this point I just do what I can when I can do it.. There's a lot more I need to do but I need more hands on deck to do it.
So I've been in the apartment since June. Every month I've been dealing with having zero money for food halfway through the month. ODSP doesn't give anywhere near enough for people to even survive on, let alone live on.. I don't understand this idea that we're all lazy bums who are taking advantage of the system comes from. I know there are people who game the Workplace Safety and Insurance Board system.. The people on ODSP need to jump through flaming hoops while having a cactus butt plug inserted just to get ON the system..
I read people online telling people on ODSP to "Go get a job"
Great.. I'd love to.. However......
Because of my foot/leg I can't stand for long periods of time. I can't bend or kneel over. I still have nurses coming to my apartment to dress wounds that are stubborn on my legs. Because I'm on Warfarin, I need to go get bloodwork done once a month for about 10 minutes to see if my dose needs to be changed.
Plus.. If my foot had full function like it did before my hospitalization, I'd be back driving a Big Yellow Bus. But... Since I have limited movement and power in my foot... I would be disqualified from driving a commercial vehicle.
Also... I use a walker and sometimes a wheelchair. I am able to walk without the walker. I do walk without it. But for longer distances, I have it with me because I worry about tripping and falling. Sometimes my foot doesn't cooperate.
Not to mention.. If there were two candidates who were completely equal.. One fully able bodied, and one who had mobility issues... Who do you think the company will hire? It's discrimination without being outright discrimination.
I've had to beg and borrow from friends just to survive.. I hate doing it. I feel like a burden. I feel I'm bothering them.. I feel like how my mom did when her brothers would show up.. (They'd only show up when they wanted something) I feel some of my friends have rightly ghosted me.. So instead I suffer in silence. Near the end of the months when I have no money and barely any food, I eat one meal a day. Sleep most of the time otherwise so I don't have to be awake and think about things.
Oh yes.. Being on ODSP and being so far below the povery line that it almost feels like an anchor is attached to our ankles not only affects physically.. But mentally and emotionally. My friends know I have mental health issues.. I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder and Agoraphobia. I deal with episodes of depression so deep that everything gets a "what's the point?" response.. I even say that to the possibility of unaliving myself..... That's how bad it is...
"The very fear that makes you want to die/ Is just the same as what keeps you alive.
It's way more trouble than some suicide is worth"
- War on Drugs Barenaked Ladies
So... In a nutshell, that is my journey from hospitalization to current day.
I hope that anyone who reads this gets something from it. Please comment.. Or if you want to do it through a less public means, I'm on Twitter or you can email me..
Twitter I'm MikeMatson67
Email is matson67 at Hotmail dot com.
Hi Mike. I know odsp isn't enough. It's hard to imagine that it's even more than OW isn't it! Do the rate increases help? When do they kick in? Have you met your odsp worker? It may be good to bug them about other funding too. Just thinking out loud:)
ReplyDeleteI've never seen my worker in person. I've only ever communicated through email.. I don't even know where the ODSP office is in Peterborough.
DeleteThe increase kicked in at the end of Sept.. It was $50 total.. That's like trying to flood the Grand Canyon with a garden hose.
I did get the special diet allowance form and had it faxed to my nurse practitioner, but I need my nurse practitioner's office to actually answer their damned phone.. ODSP did give me money to get a winter coat, so that's good..
My takeaway from all of this is that you suffered through something that a lot of other people probably wouldn't have survived, and yet you're still here. I'm not much of a religious person, but I can't help but think that there's a reason for that; you just might not know why yet. Also, since your brain doesn't seem to have been affected by your ordeal (and by that I mean that you didn't have a stroke or anything like that), your still in a position find meaningful work, you just need to figure out what that might be. It may not seem like it sometimes, but there's still hope for you. Just try to remember that there are a lot of folks out there who are much worse off than you, and would gladly trade their situation for yours if given the chance.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I'm just now catching up on some longer blog posts that I had bookmarked, so apologies the late comment.
*for the late comment
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