Almost August Thoughts

 Greetings and salutations. 

I have a few things rattling around in the ol' dome that I want to get out.. 

First, Musicfest has been fun to volunteer at this summer. We still have shows to come until August 19, but it's been fun. I've enjoyed being around people again, even if it sometimes becomes overwhelming. The music hasn't been half bad either. The two I'm really looking forward to are coming up, so we'll see how they are. 

One downside to the volunteering though is it accentuates my loneliness. While I enjoy coming home and decompressing after a shift, it's also hard to come home and see the same four walls I took the volunteering position to excape for a while. 

That leads me to my second point.. There are different levels to loneliness and how we handle those feelings. This bout of loneliness I've been really struggling because it's a loneliness that craves touch.. I don't have anyone that I can ask to cuddle.. Not to mention some of the things that I'm fighting with are a little deeper than that.. The funny thing is, these are the days I get why people spend $1000s on escorts. 

The problem is though, I get irritated easily during these times. I can't handle stupidity at the best of times, but when this is happening even a sideways glance can set me off.. And I don't want to do that. I think that might have been what hit me on Saturday at Musicfest.. I was just so irritated and it bottled up to the point where I just got hit with a ton of bricks and needed to go.. The problem is, I don't know what caused the irritation. 

I've also hit a creative dead end.. I think that's adding to my irritation. I want to do something. I want to do something that, even if it reaches a couple people, reaches someone.. (I mean, yes I technically do this with my blogs, but... It's not the same.. ) The problem is.. I don't know how to start... I don't know what exactly I want to do or how to do it.. I've spent a lot of my time sleeping when I'm not at appointments or volunteering. I just don't know. 

Well, these are my screams into the void. May it reach eyeballls..