A Little More About Me

 Greetings!

I've done some "about Me" posts here before. This is, of course, my non-baseball and therefore, not really cared about topics, blog. 

Recently on a Facebook group I saw a photo of an area in Peterborough that had rail lines in the 70s.. The street is currently a bicycle thoroughfare with limited vehicle access (people do live on the street) 

Human Geography fascinates me.. Human Geography, by the way, is the migration and settlement patterns of people. I find it interesting how a city grows. How the services and the stores change over time. And yes, how public transportation evolved over the years. 

 I first moved to Peterborough in 1998 to go to University and moved permanently in 2002.. When I was first here, we had regular bus service up to a point, then it became "Dial a Bus" where you had to call and let them know where you were to get picked up and where you were going. The routes were basically improv as a result. Then they changed to regular service throughout the evening. As the city grew, they tinkered with timing and routes to improve service and service times. Currently, we have a model that generally works in cities larger than Peterborough, or in cities that are more spread out, like Thunder Bay. 

I'd love to be able to see route maps through the years to see how transit changed in Peterborough. I'd also love to see where commuter rail traveled through the city. I know we used to have Via Rail here, but I was told it stopped in the early 90s. Lack of ridership. That left Greyhound as the way to Toronto, unless you drove to somewhere along the GO Train line. 

Finally about 5-10 years ago we got GO buses serving our area, connecting to the Rail at Oshawa. Now they're talking about high speed rail, (realistically they've been yammering about it for probably 10-15 years) coming through the city, but there's a lot of people pulling the NIMBY card through the planned route for the line. 

That photo stuck in my mind for most of last night.. 

These are the photos I saw that got me thinking (obsessing) about this last night. 

So if anyone sees/reads/cares, what quirky thing fascinates you? 

Almost August Thoughts

 Greetings and salutations. 

I have a few things rattling around in the ol' dome that I want to get out.. 

First, Musicfest has been fun to volunteer at this summer. We still have shows to come until August 19, but it's been fun. I've enjoyed being around people again, even if it sometimes becomes overwhelming. The music hasn't been half bad either. The two I'm really looking forward to are coming up, so we'll see how they are. 

One downside to the volunteering though is it accentuates my loneliness. While I enjoy coming home and decompressing after a shift, it's also hard to come home and see the same four walls I took the volunteering position to excape for a while. 

That leads me to my second point.. There are different levels to loneliness and how we handle those feelings. This bout of loneliness I've been really struggling because it's a loneliness that craves touch.. I don't have anyone that I can ask to cuddle.. Not to mention some of the things that I'm fighting with are a little deeper than that.. The funny thing is, these are the days I get why people spend $1000s on escorts. 

The problem is though, I get irritated easily during these times. I can't handle stupidity at the best of times, but when this is happening even a sideways glance can set me off.. And I don't want to do that. I think that might have been what hit me on Saturday at Musicfest.. I was just so irritated and it bottled up to the point where I just got hit with a ton of bricks and needed to go.. The problem is, I don't know what caused the irritation. 

I've also hit a creative dead end.. I think that's adding to my irritation. I want to do something. I want to do something that, even if it reaches a couple people, reaches someone.. (I mean, yes I technically do this with my blogs, but... It's not the same.. ) The problem is.. I don't know how to start... I don't know what exactly I want to do or how to do it.. I've spent a lot of my time sleeping when I'm not at appointments or volunteering. I just don't know. 

Well, these are my screams into the void. May it reach eyeballls.. 

Summer Thoughts

 Hello!

I've been sitting on this for a while, mainly trying to articulate it aside from *flails wildly* 

Things have been happening for me lately. I feel that it's good for the most part, but it's still an unfamiliar feeling. I'm looking into bariatric surgery. Just waiting for my appointment for bloodwork and an EKG.. 

I'm volunteering twice a week at a free concert series here in Peterborough called Peterborough Musicfest. So far we've had Gowan, The Good Lovelies, Lighthouse, and Sass Jordan perform. We got rained out on Canada Day. It's nice seeing different people and feeling somewhat useful again, even for a couple hours. 

Recently we had Karaoke as an activity in our building. I sang a few songs without hesitating. That's not normal for me. I'm generally shy.. 

So now, I'm sitting here after the Lighthouse show, winding down after being around people for 5 hours and I'm feeling a mix of emotions. One is relief. I made it through another shift, another show.. One is sadness. I kind of want to see some of the people I volunteer with but don't get the chance to. I also start thinking on the way home about coming home and wanting to sleep for the next day. 

The other thing that I've been feeling lately is honestly, one of either waiting for the other shoe to drop or that something big is going to happen. What it is, I don't know. 

Anyone who has dealt with a lifetime of anxiety and depression knows the first feeling well. As for the shoe dropping feeling, we tend to anticipate something going sideways.. "Things are going *too* well right now..."

As for the feeling of something big.. I don't know. It could be something comes out of my volunteering where I can maybe get work. Or maybe they ask me to come back next summer. Or it could be something completely different that affects me but isn't directly on me.. 

I have ideas of things I'd love to do, but honestly, I don't know the first thing about going about any of it. So I write. So I stagnate. So I try to get out of the rut I've been in for a decade but can't get out regardless of what steps I do take. But I know this isn't the rest of my life. I know I have talents. I know I can be valuable in the right conditions. It's finding and unlocking that's the issue.. 

Work and Thoughts On It

 Hello!

As you may or may not know, I've been unemployed and on disability since 2021. I had a near death illness, that being septic shock. The trauma from the sepsis destroyed the nerves in my ankle. I have some mobility in it, but I don't have feeling or much strength in it. I used to drive a school bus. Because it's my right ankle, I would no longer pass the physical to return. 

All this is a little preamble to what I want to discuss here today.. 

That no matter the work you do, whatever profession, you ultimately sell your body.

I mention this because I see it a fair bit when people try to shame sex workers. How they're just selling their bodies and to get a real job.. 

Well, here's the thing.. Every job is selling your body to some extent. Physical labour positions are the easiest to explain, since you're actually using your body to create whatever project your boss told you to. You put your body on the line daily. 

Service jobs also sell their bodies. Ensuring a store is running smoothly, moving product around, processing customers, etc. 

Authors. Selling their mind. Their creativity and thoughts.

Athletes. Performing in their sport of choice. Yes, they do make a lot of money, but when their career cycle is so comparatively short to regular people, it's a little tiny bit better..

In any job, you are a product used by the company you work for in order to make the company money. You do your job for money. Therefore, you are selling your body, just like the sex workers that phrase is usually aimed at.. 

You may agree.. You may disagree... I don't really care. It's a different way of looking at life and the roles we play in it. 

Possibly a Minefield

 Well, far be it for me to either start or engage in minefield topics. I guess the last one was about... 10 years ago? Maybe? I don't know.. 

Anyway, while I was out a couple days ago, I was asked by one of two male teenagers sitting at the corner of George and Simcoe streets in Peterborough about my thoughts on abortion. 

Two thoughts immediately came to mind that had nothing to do with the topic.. First, was how come these teenagers are out here doing this instead of being in school? Second, was if this was some way of getting their volunteer hours, it's pretty crappy of the organizers to throw kids out there on such a... Polarizing and charged subject. Around the other kid was a number of the pamphlets they were handing out ripped up and tossed on the ground. I can just imagine some of the more.. Colourful.. Language too.. 

So after some consideration, I'm kind of going to answer with a bit of a copout, but also my thoughts as is they mean more than a cup of loon spit. 

My thoughts are that I'm not equipped with the proper plumbing to make any real decisions on abortion. I am a guy. I can't get pregnant. The only time I may even have a sliver of input is if I was with someone who was considering the procedure. And when I say a sliver, I mean a sliver.. Of the decision, I'd say maybe 1% of my thoughts really count to the decision. 

Now.. That alone is probably enough to froth some mouths.. 

However.. I feel if we follow the lead of the US and try to criminalize abortions, we just run the risk of more injury and death when people go through grey or black market means. My other view is that for every person who believes abortion should be illegal they should immediately adopt someone that's in the system that would result from this. 

There are reasons beyond the main talking point of "just get knocked up, get rid of the fetus and move on like nothing happened" 

Cases like rape, or other forced pregnancies. Pregancies where, if carried to term, could irreparably harm either the mother or the resulting baby.. 

The decision is almost never taken lightly. It comes from an act that regardless has a lifelong impact. There would be lifelong impacts regardless of the decision. 

I may be looking at this the wrong way, or maybe not deep enough into the bigger picture, but really unless you're in that situation, all you're dealing with is hypotheticals that can be completely unknown to the average person. 

But that's my thoughts on it.. Take it for the gigantic pinch of salt it's worth. 

Rememberings

 As we all spin on this giant blue-green ball of chaos called Earth, I'm left with time to think. 

I just turned 48 at the beginning of the month. As much as I'd like to say middle age, I'm realistically on the downslope of the hill of life. 

I was born in 1978. The changes and events that have happened both worldwide and to myself personally are things that may never really be experienced again.. I guess until the next technological breakthrough that leads to Star Trek style holodecks and replicators, anyway... 

The old cliche of kids being the parents' remote was true. It was also a time where wood panelling was The wall pattern of choice. I believe it was around the age of 4 my parents picked up an Atari 2600. They played more than I did. Obviously as a toddler/pre-schooler my attention span was sometimes that of an overcaffienated squirrel. I did learn to play some of the games on it and our second console, the ColecoVision. Donkey Kong. Zaxxon (though I sucked at it) River Raid, Pitfall.. Ladybug.. Mousetrap... Carnival... Some of these games I'd love to see make a return. 

I remember when channels would sign off for the night with playing the national anthem. Even to this day, I get an odd feeling when I hear the Canadian Anthem played orchestra style. Wind blowing in the face. Maybe it's part of the imagination I've had but seem to have lost being able to tap into. I remember the first time I saw the opening for Dr Who in the 80s and having the shit scared out of me. The music haunted me. The acid trip style visual in the opening freaked me out. Keep in mind, I was in Kindergarten at the time. I also remember that being the night I randomly stayed up with my mom waiting for my dad to return from his overnight shift. I don't recall why we were up. But we were. 

I remember watching the Challenger explosion. I also remember watching the Calgary Olympics in school. Some of the kids tv shows were weird when we were kids. In Canada, we had things like Polka Dot Door, Today's Special, Telefrancais. In later years Canada had its own version of Seasame Street with Louie the Otter. Now, we're so connected to everything that the only thing we've disconnected from is each other. Sure, we still talk to other people. But... Unless it's part of your job in a service industry, how many willingly talk in person rather than by some electronic means? 

I think I miss the fact that we didn't have to have the world's information at our fingertips. Moreso, the fact that, in getting the world's information, we're also getting information overload. We get a lot of garbage information. And I think it's only going to get worse if we rely on AI too much in the future. 

I remember being a bit of a nomad in my hometown. My parents and I moved 8 times in our small community. I mean the town was 3000 people at its height, so it's not like I had to switch schools or anything. If I did it would just be to go to the Catholic Board rather than the Public Board. I only remember the reason for us moving two times. we moved from a two bedroom bungalow to a larger house when my sister came into the family when my dad got custody of her. We moved to another house because my uncle didn't want to lose the place. They were moving to Thunder Bay for a couple years and it was a rent geared to income place. Well, when they were moving back, we went into an apartment. The other times it just seemed like either my mom or dad found and issue with the house that became unacceptable and we moved. 

I never had a lot of friends when I was younger, but I always had long-term friends. I kept the same three friends from elementary to high school. Two others I met partway through elementary school and still talk to them from time to time. Even now, my best friend who calls me his brother has known me since 1998. In two years it'll be 30 years of friendship. Yes, there were other friends in there.. And people who I didn't consider friends or outright antagonists who ended up being friendly to me as adults. 

That said. In late elementary school and through high school, I was the butt of many jokes. I did have a hairtrigger temper when I was younger. I've since been able to control it to the point where it takes a lot for me to blow up. I'm not sure that's much better, but.. Anyway.. Throughout high school I would get anonymous love notes that were written as jokes. I'd get people calling inviting me for coffee and not showing up. I even had one person call me and, when I picked up, started moaning like they were either fingering themselves or getting fucked.. I hung up the phone. So I guess this would be the foundation of my belief that nobody really wants me. Now, it seems the only people who are interested in me are people far away, or those I pay to be interested.. 

I was in high school from the fall of 1992 until 1998. The 90s in general were a much different beast from the 80s. Music changed, lots of upheaval from the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989.. TV changed. We got a lot of classic shows in the 90s. The 90s was also the start of the major technological shift we had to get to the point we are today. The Internet became part of the public. And while it was indeed a great invention for compiling and dostributing information, it was just as big for porn. I mean, is there a medium porn hasn't been in? 

The one big thing I remember happening was while I was in Sault Ste Marie for High School for one semester. It was around the time Quebec was holding its referendum on whether it would stay or separate from Canada. The vote narrowly lost, but my geography teacher prepared a map with Quebec cut out of the Map of Canada just in case. 

Now, we feel as helpless trying to do some things on the internet that the younger generations find second nature. Kind of like how our parents felt with VCRs. 

In my life so far, we've gone in multiple directions. I think the only thing constant is change. The other constant is that at some point, we feel like the world left us behind. 

St Patrick's Day Musings

 I spent a lot of time awake last night because my mind wouldn't shut off. 

The main thing I was thinking about was A: If God and heaven were real, do dogs go to heaven? 

and B: If I was trying to prove the existence of God, I'd use dogs as the example.. 

Now, I'm not religious. I believe there's something beyond our perception of reality but we're not meant to see it while we live. That being said, if I were trying to argue the existence of God, I'd use dogs as an example. 

Dogs are the purest form of love we have on this planet. They love everyone (except those who abuse them) and trust. If you're their human, the love has the power of 1000 suns. Because of how concentrated and intense their love is, their time on our planet is short. 

How many people have lost a dog and still remember mannerisms or looks years later? 

Honestly, Heaven would not be Heaven without our furry companions waiting for us.. 

We're getting closer to the baseball season. While a fair portion of the country (Canada) is still under snow, the season starts in 10 days. Good thing for domed stadiums. 

Aside from that, nothing else is rattling around in the ol' dome..