An Update

 So I wanted to give an update on my health. I have a rather large spot on my left leg that opened up. It started as a small water blister but the skin kept peeling off. It takes up most of my shin. My leg is rather painful right now. It has been treated with Inadine, an Iodine patch, gauze, and Tubigrip, a stocking. 

Well, the wound seeped through the gauze and Tubigrip. Plus the Inadine would stick to the wound. This means any time I moved, it hurt, and sometimes would cause my leg to bleed.. My leg bled through the Tubigrip at one point. Now, I'm being treated with Bactine, a different product to promote healing, an absorbent pad, and gauze wrapped around the leg. Still using Tubigrip. My leg still throbs.. Sometimes to the point where I can't sleep. 

This of course affects my mental health as well. Between being discouraged about the wound on my leg, plus the pain and lack of sleep, I've been alternatin g between feeling very angry or just completely numb and apathetic. 

Reading about people whining about a War on Christmas because the Eaton Centre isn't putting their one year old tree up due to construction has the mental gymnasts believing it's the beginning of trying to erase Christmas. 

Well.. Here's a few things to consider.. 

1. The Eaton Centre is undergoing renovations, including the roof.. They decided not to put out their brand new tree (that they purchased and used ONCE) because of this. I don't know if it's that they're working where the tree would go, or if the area is being used for things displaced as a result of construction.. But the fact remains they wouldn't pay money for a tree to use once then never again. 

2. There is no "War on Christmas" There are many holidays during the month of December. Retailers, in a bid to appeal to as many shoppers as possible, and to include as many holidays as possible, will use slightly more inclusionary language. However, if you say Merry Christmas to someone, they will likely reply in kind. I know it may be hard to believe, but Christianity isn't the only thing in the world. Hell, Christmas trees and Jesus have nothing to do with each other aside from the Church coopting Pagan festivals in order to convert people.. 

3. And this is the point I can't stress enough.... Why would retailers wage a war on Christmas WHEN THEY DEPEND ON THE CHRISTMAS SEASON TO MAKE MOST OF THEIR PROFITS!!!??? I mean think about it.. Black Friday is called that for a Reason. It's not the deals.. It's because from that point forward, the retailers usually make their profit FOR THE YEAR from then till Christmas. 

Of course, a couple other things are bothering me right now as well. The hopelessness of the situation I find myself in with ODSP, the seeming never-ending battle with my legs, coming to the realization that I push myself when I work because that's the only time I ever feel I belong, evenn when I don't. I have some friends who care about me and have helped me, but I feel I'm either a burden to them or that I will somehow push my luck.. 

I don't know if many people know or remember from back home, but I never felt I belonged anywhere aside from with the little group of Scott, Paul, and Yoan. I was made the butt of jokes by more than a few people. Sending letters to me saying someone was interested in me.. Saying they wanted to meet for coffee only to have it not be true.. I think the icing on the cake was someone pretending to either masturbate or whatever over the phone.. I'm not going to name names on that one... 

One thing it taught me was to be very weary of people. I'll admit the worst part of anything was the time I lost weight and people who wouldn't give me the time of day would start talking to me.. 

It also ended up causing me to be in a rather toxic relationship. Now.. I'm 44 years old, divorced. Still have no clue how to talk to someone, and weary of showing any interest in someone because anyone I show interest in isn't interested in me. Which is fine.. I ask. I get turned down. I leave it alone. Or... I reject myself so you don't have to... 

I think I've rambled enough tonight. It's almost 3am.. Comment if you want.. Or don't.. I dunno...