A Dangerous Rabbit Hole

 Currently one of my main sources of entertainment is YouTube. Well, for some reason, lately I've had the algorithm offering me more content that I'm on the fence about. 

Apparently, I've started falling down the MGTOW rabbit hole and I'm not sure I like it.. It's been described as an anti-woman, misogynistic movement. 

It started when I found a channel that advocates for men's rights. IE: Not losing half their things in a divorce, being driven to poverty/suicide, etc.. Now I'm getting recommended videos on guys laughing at single mothers and women who would cheat on their significant other for no reason other than they can. One that really upset me was a comment about a woman who is in the adult industry that also streams on Twitch broke her back jumping into a badly-made foam pit at Twitchcon.. They felt she deserved this and that it was hilarious.. 

Now.. I agree that in some areas, we are treated as ATMs or are judged on things we can't control. However, I don't agree that a person loses value based on their history or profession. I agree in equal opportunity

The reason this is a dangerous rabbit hole for me is this: I've never had many positive interactions with women. Between being made fun of repeatedly in high school, being claimed in University, a rather toxic marriage, and just generally being awkward and intimidated by women, navigating everything is a major challenge. 

I can say I'm 44 years old, married and divorced, but never had an actual date.. I don't know what to do.. I have no self confidence when it comes to interacting with women on that level because I've never had experience in interacting with women on that level.. 

Anyone who has shown they cared or even pretended to care lives/lived so far away from me it doesn't really help or count. So I find myself thinking that I could very well go into the mindset that I will be alone forever. 

I don't know where I really am trying to go with all this.. I don't want to fall into that rabbit hole too deeply. I feel we all have value. It just might be too late for me to really show my value or gain the confidence to let that value show..