Thoughts

 Lately my thoughts have been getting the better of me. I listened to the Oldies station in town and Lovers in a Dangerous Time by Barenaked Ladies came on. I'm not ready for that to be called an Oldie! Coupled with watching gamephay footage of an old PS1 game, WCW vs the World.. I would honestly get a PS1 just for that game again..  Then it got me thinking.. Thinking about the things I miss.. 

I miss the house we lived in until my mom passed away.. I hate the fact that the person who bought the house after us gutted the thing completely. I miss some of the TV shows that were on at the time. 

Air Farce, WCW.. Night Stand with Dick Dietrich. Duckman. I miss some of the chocolate that we had back then. Some of the drinks that were available.. 

I miss all this stuff and I know it's in the past and never coming back. I don't know if this is how a midlife crisis feels, but I can't shake it. Just a constant feeling of frustration. That, coupled with how the world is now I get increasingly frustrated.. I never felt like I belonged. I feel that moreso now. 

Those who have follwed on here for a while, or even had more than a small interaction with me knows about my issues with mobility, illness, and depression. I'm seriously fighting the "What's the point" thought lately. 

I don't give myself a chance with people. I feel they've rejected me before interacting with me. So I reject myself. I mean, I miss interacting with people. I miss things like hugs or kisses.. I have been working on it for a while but it's tough to shake. When you treat yourself like dirt for years, it's hard to stop that thinking. 

There are even times I wonder why I bother writing my blogs. I wonder if actual people read them or if it's random bots. 

There are days I'd love to turn my head off.. Just have nothing running through my head, just running on autopilot. 

Don't worry, dear reader.. I do not plan on harming myself. My thoughts are simply in the realm of disappearing.. But I'm too stubborn to do that..

Yesterday vs Today

 This is a topic that's been percolating in my head for a while. It's gotten to the point where I can't sleep at night, so I figure I should get it out...

As my friends know, I'm on disability. Disability rates are horrible, and have been for 30 years now. There is a lot of negativity towards people with disabilities online, especially when it comes to asking/trying to get help surviving the month. 

It's exhausting for everyone involved to constantly need to beg for money to just get by. None of the people asking for money on Twitter under the #MutualAid hashtag are rolling in the dough. We're trying to feed ourselves. Keep a roof over our head. Try to keep a phone connected so we can make/keep appointments that are needed for our health. 

We're not asking for money to go out drinking.. We're not using the money for drugs. (Unless it's a prescription not covered by the Drug Benefit program) Definitely not getting high end tvs and video game systems.. 

We get pushback. We get troll comments. We get "Prove your need before I give you money" then "Show me the receipts for what you spent it on" We get called lazy. We get told to get a job. (Trust me, dear reader, if I could go back to driving a school bus, I'd be there in a heartbeat) 

They call us Communist/Socialist/Freeloaders, amongst other things. 

These people fail to understand that things aren't like they were in our Grandparents' day, or even our parents' day when all you needed to do was pull yourself up by your bootstraps, show a can do attitude and you'll find a job lickety-split. 

Back in their day, you could find a job walking down the street.. You could buy a house and live comfortably on one income. 

Now? Well, now everything is online. Applications etc are all done by computers and scored before you get a call... IF you get a call.. You go in with a resume they look at you funny and tell you to apply online. I had this argument with my ex wife in the 2010s when I was unemployed. Because I wasn't going out and getting in peoples' faces, I wasn't trying hard enough... Or I just wasn't trying. 

The old thinking is still pervasive in our thinking, but the old ways are obsolete. If you don't follow the instructions on how to apply, they throw your resume out without looking. (Also, people who think we're lazy.. Think about this for a second... In the old days, people helped each other out in times of need.. It's funny how this thinking flew away what seems to be 40 years ago, but the old "Pull yourself up and you can do it!" is still around)

Right now, Canada is in a perfect storm of crisis due to inaction. Slow building on housing, particularly affordable housing (thanks, NIMBYS... How do you like the tent cities instead?) and increased immigration means more and more people are being priced out of the market, both ownership and rental. Lack of funding in healthcare means we have long wait times, people who need rooms/beds hanging out in hallways, and just a general inability to get the system to the point it needs to be in order to be effective.

Disability rates were frozen in the 1990s. They have not increased to be anywhere close to even breaking even with poverty. We're 50% below the poverty line. We're forgotten by the Governments, and really, they would rather have us use MAiD to get rid of us than to fund healthcare and the programs needed to give us some dignity. 

People online punch down at us all the time. I think it's easy for them to do it because in the end, nobody cares about us. It makes them feel better about their own tenuous hold on the life they want, hoping to ignore the fact that an injury or missed paycheck puts them in the same position we're in. 

I made the joke before. I can't remember if it was here or just on the X-Twit... I have an Amazon wishlist. I updated it to cover things I need and things I want. I refuse to share it though because there are some things people would consider frivolous. And we all know people with disabilities aren't allowed to have hobbies or fun! 

What are the solutions? That's the million dollar question.. I mean the obvious are put funds into healthcare and housing. Get housing built. Tell NIMBYs to Sit and Rotate.. Increase the rates for Disability.. (People HATE this idea for some reason. Something about their money paying for lazy people blah blah blah... They already pay for the lazy clowns in Ottawa, Toronto, and other Provincial Capitals.. Why aren't they bitching about them??) Based on the amount the taxpayer actually pays towards a PWD is 0.00003 cents.... Their opinion is valued as such...

The other thing that ruffles feathers is Universal Basic Income.. Lot of people are thinking it'll cause people to quit work and sit at home rather than work.. Then there's the bleats of Communism/Socialism/Marxism... There was a  pilot project done in a couple cities in Ontario before Doug the Slug got in.. More people were able to work, including some PWDs. Crime went down in some areas.. But no, because isms and 15 minute cities, great reset, WEF blah blah blah....

So again... What do we do? We can't go this route stupidly thinking it's going to course correct. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if things turn toward more automation, more use of AI, and less human employment.. Then what?

I don't know...